Last night, I thought for a moment that maybe I couldn't do this anymore.

Princess's ear tumor ruptured. I walked into the room and it looked like a crime scene. There was blood on the floor. Blood spattered on the walls. I had no idea where it had come from, so I frantically went from animal to animal, checking everyone. And then I found Princess in the corner by her food and water bowl.

She was shaking her head over and over, bleeding profusely from her ear. Every time she shook her head, there was more blood. She shook it all over me. And I lost it. I started crying and screaming out loud, over and over: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this! What am I doing!?"

I gave Princess gabapentin to help calm her. She quickly settled enough for me to work with her, I cleaned away most of the blood with water and cloth, because I was afraid she had bacteria in there from her rubbing her ear on the floor. I grabbed gauze and an ace bandage. keeping pressure on the wound with the massive amounts of gauze and held pressure on the wound, and then wrapped an Ace bandage around her head to keep the pressure in place while making absolutely certain her airway wasn't restricted.

And then there was another problem.

Before I discovered what had happened, I had just taken a shower, put on my pajamas and taken a sleeping pill. I had been in the ER the night before with another kitty emergency, and after weeks of very little sleep, I desperately needed rest.

Now I had an emergency that I couldn't safely drive through, and it was too late at night to call anyone.

So I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed that Princess would make it through the night and that she hadn't lost too much blood.

I slept next to her, with my hand on her, checking constantly to make sure she was still breathing. In between, I cleaned blood from the walls and floor and waited for morning to come.

When it finally did, she was still breathing, but here was still an entire sanctuary depending on me.

Litter boxes needed cleaning. Food bowls needed filling. Every animal has their own feeding station. Pet pads needed to be washed and hung outside to dry. Dogs needed to be walked. And most importantly, I wanted to spend a little time with everyone because I knew Princess and I were headed to the emergency hospital over an hour away, and I had no idea how long we would be gone.

When everyone was fed, walked and settled, and everything was clean, I scooped up Princess and we headed to the Veterinary Emergency Group in Palm Desert.

We were there until about 2 pm. Princess is stable.

Her head is now protected with a special covering, and she has pain medication to keep her comfortable this week. And then the doctors told me something I wasn't expecting.

They told me that I had done a really good job controlling the bleeding and wrapping her head.

I looked at the doctor in shock, I said are you kidding?

Because while I was doing it, I was literally crying and questioning whether I had any business taking care of these animals.

Last night I kept saying, "I can't do this." Today I know I can do it, because I did it.

And I believe with my whole heart that God has put me exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, for the animals and people I'm supposed to be doing it for.

I also have to say something about VEG Emergency Hospital in Palm Desert. They were incredibly busy today, and yes, we were there for a long time—but it was absolutely worth the wait. They took wonderful care of Princess, and then they gave Bella Bear's Senior Pet Sanctuary a 25% rescue discount.

Twenty-five percent. When they told me, I almost cried.

When veterinary bills are such a huge part of what we do, that kind of kindness matters more than I can explain. I walked out of there feeling incredibly grateful and incredibly blessed.

I don't usually share quite this much of what happens behind the scenes. I hold so much of it inside—the emergencies, the worry, the bills, the exhaustion, the responsibility, the grief, and the constant question of whether I'm doing enough.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst from carrying all of it.

So today, I just wanted to share this one.

Not because I handled everything perfectly. Not because I wasn't afraid.

But because last night, while I was crying and screaming "I can't do this," Princess needed me. And today, since we've been home from the ER, every now and then I find a spot of blood, but I don't care, because she's still here.